Having the Hard Yarns — When It’s Time to Speak Up

Willy McSkimming
6 days ago
4 min read

We’re not always the best at talking, are we?

Especially not when it’s about the stuff we can’t fix with a change of comb, a squirt of oil or a yarn at smoko.

But sometimes, we need to have those tough conversations. The ones about what’s going on inside our heads — or our mates’.

They’re not easy. They’re not fun. But they’re so bloody important.

🧢 So Why Bother?

Because the stakes are real. Because too many of our people are going quiet when they should be speaking up. And because sometimes a simple, awkward, unexpected check-in can be the thing that actually saves someone’s life.

You don’t have to fix everything. You just have to care enough to start.

New Zealand has one of the highest youth suicide rates in the OECD.

In rural communities, those stats climb even higher. And among Māori — it’s heartbreakingly worse. Now, here’s the kicker. In the shearing industry — the heart-pumping, sweat-drenched, early-morning, late-night grind that keeps farms ticking — mental health can be a ticking time bomb. We’re talking long hours. Shit sleep. Constant pressure. Isolation. Shifting from shed to shed, with no real base. The bar might be the only “counsellor” some blokes see all year.

You can shear 400 a day but still not feel worth a damn. You can smile at the farmer and still be falling apart inside.

🛠 When to Have the Conversation

Look, it doesn’t need to be some big, sit-down, therapist-style moment. Sometimes it’s a quiet word in the van. Sometimes it’s a quick “You right, bro?” at the end of a run.

Here are a few signs it might be worth checking in:

They’re quieter than usual — not just tired, but distant
Their mood changes — snappy, shut down, not themselves
They stop turning up or pull away from the crew
You’ve got that gut feeling something’s off

And hey — maybe you are the one feeling off. And that really matters too.

🧠 How to Have the Yarn (Without Making It Weird)

This isn’t about being perfect — just being real.

Here are a few ways to ease into it:

“You been travelling alright lately?”“You don’t seem like yourself — all good?”“I’m not trying to get in your business, just checking in.”

Keep it relaxed. No pressure. Just open the door.

And if they want to talk, just listen. You don’t need answers. Just ears.

How to Start a Hard Conversation (Without Being a Dick)

Check in, properly.
Not just “how’s it going?” — ask twice. “Nah bro, how are you really?”
Shut up and listen.
You don’t need to fix it. You just need to be there. Sit with them. Let them talk.
Don’t joke it off.
It might feel easier to make a crack, but not every pain needs a punchline.
Follow up.
Send a message. Leave a voicemail. Check in the next day. Keep checking.
Point them somewhere.
Lifeline, 1737, your local GP. Hell, drive them there if you have to. Be that mate.

👀 Things to Keep an Eye On (In Others and Yourself)

Loss of motivation — no interest in the usual stuff
Withdrawing from the team
Short fuse or emotional outbursts
Sleeping too much (or not at all)
Talking like they’re “done” or better off gone

Don’t ignore it. If you’re noticing it — you’re close enough to ask.

For the Shearers, the Woolhandlers, the Pressers, the Farmers

This shit only works if we work together. It’s not just sheep we’re handling — it’s people. Humans. Good bastards with big hearts and heavy loads.

Contractors: Notice your crew. Don’t just count their tallies — check their mood.
Crew: Look out for each other. Have each other’s backs outside the pen, not just in it.
Farmers: Make space for kōrero. You’re part of this too.

🤝 What If They Shut You Down?

That’s okay too. Let them know you’re there, and leave the door open.

“All good, mate — just wanted to check in. I’m around if you ever want to talk.”

That alone can mean a lot more than you realise.

🚨 Need to Talk to Someone Now?

1737 – Need to talk?
Free call or text 1737 anytime, 24/7. Talk to a trained counsellor.

Lifeline – 0800 543 354
Or text HELP to 4357. Free, confidential support.

Rural Support Trust – 0800 787 254
Especially for farmers and rural folk. Confidential and practical help.

Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
For people who may be thinking about suicide, or those worried about someone else.

Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757
Or text 4202 to talk to someone who understands.

Youthline – 0800 376 633 | Text 234
Great for younger crew or whānau in need of a kōrero.

Your GP or local health service – don’t underestimate it. Book in. Have the kōrero.

🧢 One Last Thing

We don’t need to be perfect. We just need to be there for each other.

Because the strongest crews aren’t the ones that never struggle. They’re the ones that back each other, through the good, the bad, and the messy shit in-between.

If you’re reading this and you’re in the dark right now — Mate, We’re here. You matter. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Reach out. Make the call. Talk to someone. There’s no shame in pain. There’s only shame in silence.

Let’s stop burying our brothers.

Let’s break the bloody silence.

Let’s make it normal to say, “I’m not doing okay.”

Because he waka eke noa — we’re all in this together.

So check in. Ask the question. Have the yarn. It matters.

And if you need to talk, you can always reach out to us here too. That’s what The Sharing Shed is for.

Catch you next time,