Too Tough to Struggle? Bullshit!Let’s Talk, Let’s Listen!
- Willy McSkimming
- Aug 11
- 6 min read
In this industry, “hard” is part of the job description.
Long days, sore bodies, tough sheep, tight schedules, no sick days, little sleep, a van full of big egos and even bigger expectations. You're meant to turn up, shut up, and shear your numbers. That’s the unspoken rule.
And for years, that’s how it’s been. But here’s the thing no one says out loud enough:
You can be tough as nails and still be struggling inside. You can be strong, skilled, and respected — and still be hurting.
And the longer we pretend otherwise, the more people we lose.
Why This Matters (and Why Now)
Suicide rates in rural NZ are among the highest in the country.
Rural men aged 20–64 are at significantly higher risk than their urban counterparts.
Māori men in particular face layered pressures — cultural, financial, social, and emotional.
Farmers, contractors, shearers, woolhandlers — we’re part of the same system. And sometimes we hurt because we're human!
Mental fatigue = physical breakdown
Research shows mental stress reduces reaction time, increases injury risk, and lowers performance. In shearing terms? You’re more likely to cut a sheep, cut yourself, lash out at your teammate, or break down halfway through the day.
Shearing is team-driven — if one person’s down, the whole crew feels it.
Shearing is one of the most team-driven jobs out there. Every person in that shed matters — from the gun shearer down to the newbie sweeping on a broom for their first day. One off day can turn into a whole season’s tension. It’s not just about you — it’s about how your silence or struggle ripples out.
You’re only as good as the people around you. If one person's off, the whole crew feels it.
That might look like:
A woolhandler falling behind because their head's not in it, and now the table is wooled up.
A presser rushing and snapping at the farmer and the sheep because they’re running on empty, and now the tension’s spreading.
A shearer silently struggling, their tally shows it, and the job gets rough while the mood sours right across the board.
And you know what? No one says a word. But everyone feels it.
One Quiet Struggle Can Spiral Into a Whole Shed Load Of Tension
You might think you’re just having a bad day and keeping it to yourself — trying not to be a burden.
But here’s the kicker: That silence doesn’t protect the crew — it creates uncertainty.
Your teammates can feel something’s up, but they don’t know what. So they start guessing.
"Is he pissed off at me?"
"Why’s she so quiet — did I do something wrong?"
"What the hell’s going on around here?"
Now you’ve got tension, miscommunication, low feeling… and suddenly everyone’s off their game.
Not because you're a shit person. But because you're carrying something too heavy to hide — and trying to hide it anyway.
On the Flip Side – When You Do Speak Up
Here’s what happens when someone in the crew opens up instead:
People stop guessing and start supporting.
The crew gets tighter, not tenser.
You give permission for others to be human, too.
It’s not weakness. It’s leadership. It sets a tone.
“I’m not feeling 100% today, just so you know.”That one sentence can turn a potential blow-up into a solid day’s graft.
It gives your team a chance to back you up. And it gives you a break from carrying it all on your own.
Because we’re not just here to kill numbers and slay tallies — we’re here to get everyone through the long days with their bodies, minds, and friendships intact.
How to Spot When Something’s Up
Not everyone shows it the same way. Some go quiet. Others get louder. Here’s what to look for:
Behaviour | What it could mean |
Suddenly withdrawn | Anxiety, depression, burnout |
Angry, irritable, blowing up easily | Stress overload, unprocessed grief |
Reckless drinking, drugs, risky behaviour | Escaping pain or pressure |
Declining work ethic or turning up late | Mental fatigue, lack of motivation, poor sleep |
Joking about not being here, disappearing, dying | RED FLAG – take this seriously every time |
The Power of Listening
You don’t need to fix someone. You don’t need all the answers. But here’s what does help:
Just being there!
Studies show that having one person to talk to about your struggles cuts your risk of mental health crisis in half. Not a therapist. Just one trusted person.
When someone opens up to you:
Listen without judgment.
Don’t interrupt.
Avoid “at least...” statements (“At least you’ve got a job”, “At least you’re not as bad as so-and-so”).
Don’t rush in with solutions. Sometimes just saying “That sounds bloody hard. Want to tell me more?” is the best thing you can do.
Tools to Talk (When You’re the One Struggling)
It’s not always easy to start, especially when you’re used to bottling things up. Try one of these openers:
“Hey bro, I’ve been having a pretty rough time lately. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“I’m feeling off, and I’m not sure why. Just needed to say it.”
“I don’t want to make a big deal, but I’m not coping as well as I look.”
And if you’re not ready to talk to someone close:
Text a helpline.
Write it down first.
Use the van ride, smoko, or even between sheep in the pen — talking doesn’t have to happen at a kitchen table.
Tools to Listen (When Someone Opens Up)
If someone starts talking to you, remember:
You’ve done the hardest part just by listening.
Try not to panic or change the subject.
You can say things like:
“That sounds like a lot. Want to talk more about it?”
“I’m not sure what to say, but I’m glad you told me.”
“Have you thought about talking to a doctor or someone from Rural Support?”
And most importantly: Follow up. Ask again the next day. Let them know they’re not a burden.
Real Life Example (Anonymised)
A presser in his mid-20s opened up to his teammate after a tough breakup and some scary thoughts creeping in at night. He hadn’t told anyone, but his mate noticed he was quieter than usual.
He asked, “You good?” and didn’t press — just waited.
That question, and that silence, opened the door. He talked. Old mate listened. He didn’t need a rescue, just a release. He gave him the number for 1737, and he got in touch with a counsellor who got it — didn’t judge, didn’t lecture.
He's still pressing & learning how to shear, stronger than ever. But it started with a simple, quiet moment of listening.
Help That Actually Helps — Resources That Work
Here's more than just a list. This is what these resources actually do, why they’re helpful, and when to use them:
1737 – Need to Talk?
Free, 24/7 call or text service.
Real people. Trained counsellors. No scripts, no bullshit.
You can ring them anonymously. Middle of the night. In the van. No shame.
Best for: Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, down, or just needing to vent.
📞 Call or Text 1737
Rural Support Trust
Local, rural-based people who understand farming and shearing life.
Can help with stress, financial strain, drought pressure, family issues — not just “mental health”.
They’ll meet you where you’re at. Even over a cuppa at the kitchen table.
Best for: Anyone in the rural sector struggling with life, work, or wellbeing.
📞 0800 787 254 🌐 ruralsupport.org.nz
Lifeline
24/7 phone support with experienced crisis responders.
More immediate help for people in distress, including those with suicidal thoughts.
Also available if you’re supporting someone else and are not sure what to do.
📞 0800 543 354 or text 4357
Need to Talk Māori or Pasifika?
Tautoko Line (Māori helpline): 0800 1 76843
Le Va (Pasifika support): 0800 345 123 or www.leva.co.nz
These services are designed with your cultural values in mind.
Headstrong – Tools for Young People
Website and app full of videos, tips, and stories by and for young Kiwis.
Great for younger team members who aren’t keen to pick up the phone.
Farmstrong
Tools and tips tailored to physical jobs, rural life, and burnout.
Good content on sleep, stress, food, connection, and recovery.
Ideal for sharing with your crew or even your farmer clients.
Final Yarn
This ain’t about being soft. It’s about staying standing, long term.
You want to shear for longer
to keep showing up year after year and still enjoy your life outside the shed?
to walk away at the end of a season with your body and mind still in one piece?
to be the crew member everyone wants back next season?
to be there for your kids, your mates, your partner — not just the next tally?
to stop burning out halfway through the season?
to handle the bad days without wrecking the good ones?
to be known as the one who had your mates’ backs — on the board and off it?
to still have the love for the job in ten, twenty, thirty years’ time?
Do you want your name remembered for the right reasons?
Then you’ve got to learn to talk. You’ve got to learn to listen. And you’ve got to look out for your crew — not just at work, but in life.
We’re not machines. We’re people. And every one of us is better off when we act like it.
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